Much apologies for the long delay. I have been very busy lately with all of these strange European people.
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I do, unfortunately have some very sad news regarding Alec. He has left the Compound for good in my absence.
Leaving me a note on my pillow (that was delivered via courier boy), he expressed his immense gratitude for what I managed to do in his pathetic little life. He pointed out that until I met him he had trouble maintaining love making past 4 minutes and that his desire for firm buttocked Korean men has been at least somewhat reduced. I just have this to say to you Alec, you are a cad-- a straight-up CAD. You sir, are ill equipped for the sensual bounty that you will no doubt encounter. Sure, you can now keep an erection for more than a minute but you still don't know what to do with it. I pity you and your kind. You make me weep.
The difference is that when I cry, I sell my tears to nubile young men and women who use it to further their awakening into this romantic world of ours. When you cry, you stay up all night eating imitation beef jerky and hitting raccoons with your air rifle.
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We took the private plane over to Greece where we engaged in some hand to hand jousting with an eye on attracting the young femmes that populated the beaches. They love the sound of slapping flesh, in my experience. Later we barbecued up some prime rib and squandered time with beers and ladies. I bested Alec in all aspects of conversation as usual.
One woman asked him if he enjoyed cunnilingus and Alec replied that he was "allergic to shellfish". Oh Alec. It wouldn't have mattered anyway, I guess. You can't pleasure yourself in the bedroom so I guess thinking about another human being would be out of the question.
Several hours later I took many women and men back to the plane (which I had landed right on the beach) where we played some adult orientated board games. Here's a little tip for all those romantic folks out there-- let them win the board game. Gold watches come and go but memories of being able to name 10 sexually transmitted diseases under the clock is something that won't leave you quickly.
In the bed I was as agile as ever but I am a gentleman first and foremost so I won't divulge the details. "I got money in the bank whatchya think about that?"
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In the morning, I discovered that Alec had spent another night watching Golden Girls re-runs and indulging in Kettle Chips. His hands were salty to the touch and his breath smelled like smoked salmon. Oh Alec, Alec, Alec. Again, you have disappointed me.
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Part #2 will follow soon!
