Well children, I didn't think I would be returning to my Blog for a time due to work issues but hell circumstances dictate actions. As you may or may not know, I have been in a bitter feud with movie B-Lister Steve "I'm sorry love" Zahn for most of today.
Steve has chosen to call out yours truly with an attack on my character at his classless blog here.
So I thought that I would tell a story to all of you fine people that gives you a good idea of the true Steve Zahn.
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A few years back when Steve was filming Dr. Dolittle 2, the film for people with no brains and no class, I Jeff Goldblum was filming the sublimely judged "Cats and Dogs"-- oh boy, what a romp we did have on that one. When I was approached to play the caring, yet distracted scientist father of the lead boy, I decided to bring something wholly original to the screen.
I decided to play it as a man who had been having an affair on his wife with Jon Lovitz. Although Lovitz was never mentioned in the film, his voice was used for one of the cats, so it became this really abstract tome on the nature of hidden secrets in a marriage. All that tomfoolery with the animals was just a red herring. Anyway....
Steve Zahn was filming Dr. Dolittle, he did a voice, I think (*scoff* can't you get any REAL acting work, Steve?) and his wife were eating at one of those fancy restaurants. I happened to be dining with raconteur and genius Tom Waits at an adjacent table. When Steve ordered something that wasn't on the menu, the waiter spat on him. He was then escorted from the premises. I carried on eating my special Blumboy Omlette Extradordinare #2 and talked to Tom about the reasons why the Eagles produced a superior recording of 'Ol 55 on their spellbinding masterpiece On the Border. Tom took my critique with good humour and stated that Don Henley was his favourite singer.
When we had finished we walked down the street scatting to ourselves. "BOOM BOP-SCOOBIDOOWOP! " We were on FIRE. Then I saw Steve Zahn getting a blow job from McG, obviously hoping that he would take pity on the lackluster abilities of Zahn and give him a part in his new movie. I laughed to myself when I saw the semi-flacid member, flopping here and there, unable to do the duty of any man receiving oral pleasures.
Then he started crying as he performed a scene from Macbeth to try and convince McG further.
He got all the lines wrong and he put emphasis on strange words but man, if it wasn't the best performance of Shakespeare that I have ever seen.........
then I am a man who has gained world wide acclaim for my acting ability who has appeared in three of the highest grossing movies of all time.
Toodles!
Jeff
